Do not Judge lest ye be judged: Gas caps, Bananas and Chicken OH MY!

Okie dokey!

So yesterday, I go to the store and pick up one or two things to last us until the end of the month. A full grocery cart later, I am checking out and voluntarily agree to load my own vehicle with my stuff.

I get home and unload and discover: My bananas are in the same bag as my CHICKEN! My raw, whole free range chicken. My bunch of bananas--in the same bag.

Okay, well not exactly--Mr. Chicken was in his own wrapper and packaged into his own grocery bag and THEN put in my banana bag. Why on earth did they just not let it stay...ALONE, perhaps?

You see--I'm a former PROFESSIONAL grocery checkout girl. I used to work for a major grocery chain in high school and college and though I worked the cash register, I watched the video on bagging! Clearly in the bagging video you bag meats separately ALWAYS. You know--germs and stuff.

And since I do the 5 second rule--I knew the bananas were fine and no one has gotten a dose of salmonella. But really--the same bag! Did they miss the video? To separately bag. Did they not screw on their heads that morning.


And in the millisecond it takes me to go fast forward through these thoughts, I am LEVELED at my own..umm...failure to screw on my head.

You see--On my errands--oh my how soon we forget, I had filled up for gas at Murphy USA--aka the Walmart gas station.

I don't know what it is--but clearly a Saturday afternoon makes for long lines at the pumps.

How many people were wondering: Has this lady EVER gotten gas before? How long has she owned that van? Did she not drink her ovaltine this morning?

Yes, a while and no I didn't.

I pull up for gas and wait kindly for a car to leave the pump. Another vehicle had just backed up behind it to get their gas. When the one car was done and leaves, I pulled right in. I proceed to line up for gas as I always do. When I get ready to back up just so--the second car starts backing up.

Perplexed I thought--wow, all this time and they must have just realized they didn't line up correctly. So I pause--and they aren't moving. With those bright, white, square lights--they sit patiently. (I'm impressed they didn't use a horn after what I am about to tell you next.) So I begin to back up thinking--wow, they are so nice to wait for me after all this time they have been waiting. Then it--hits me. No, not the car. The realization--Murphy only has single pumps. DOH! I'm about to steal this poor person's pump.

No--this isn't the first time I have been to Murphy.

So I pull around to go to a pump with a motorcycle right next to the little hut. Score--motorcycles don't take much gas--short wait. I'll be pumping gas in no time.

Motorcycle dude finishes and I pull up--you know, like I always do.

I'm a little close to the pump, no worries. No problem.

I go around to swipe my card--and then I look at my passenger side rear panel.

Where in the world is my gas cap?

A millisecond of Carmen San Diego goes off in my head.

There is a car behind me. No worries, I'll just move the van up and bring the hose around to the driver's side--that area where the gas pump has been for 3 years and I have always pumped gas.

I get back to the driver's seat and nudge the van up a bit. Go back to the pump--the people behind me are getting a giggle as I problem solve.

The hose--is short but about a foot.

Taking pity on me--the other driver motions for me to fix it.

Great! So I get that van turned around--thinking I am so embarrassed. This is the dumbest thing I have ever done. I get the van in proper position--only...I again am just short. I didn't pull up far enough. I'm sure the folks would be roaring with laughter if they knew I couldn't see them.

DOH! Foiled again. I put the hose down (I card swiped already and didn't want to reset).

Pull up--FINALLY! The hose reaches and I begin pumping. Now the machine won't pump.

So I leave the hose in the van and try to re swipe the card...several times. It can't process it. HUH????

Then I realize my blond roots are showing and proceed to put the hose back so I can re swipe but pause and wonder why the screen is asking me to select a gas grade.

Light bulb!!!! I forgot to set a grade!

At this point, I Didn't bother filling up. I wasted these good people's time long enough. $20 bucks and I am on my way.


So the next time you wonder why the bagger failed to remember their training, remember that one day you might have a visual display of ineptitude that really levels your humility.

If they had videos on pumping gas--I promise that this would not have happened.